Ink Tea Stone Leaf

Sometimes when I’m in need of a time-waster, I find some paper and perform a little activity where I make lists of words. Simple as that, but with a twist in line with my interest in phonology and vocabulary. It’s an edifying opportunity to reflect on how I speak, and I swear to you it’s even a bit fun. But in fairness, I must remind you that it is by design a complete waste of time.

Basically, the words in the lists have to conform to these rules. For each list, a word must be a monosyllable, either an ordinary English word I know or a proper noun that I recognize as such. Slang counts according to my comfort level – my basic criteria is that it must have commonly understandable meaning, whether or not it’s considered “proper” vocabulary. Each word must also be a closed syllable, meaning that it both begins with at least one consonant phoneme and ends with at least one consonant phoneme, with a single vowel phoneme in the middle. Finally, the pronunciation of all the words in the list must vary only in which vowel phoneme they employ.

Here’s an example list:

1. Teak
2. Tick
3. Tech
4. Take
5. Tack
6. Took
7. Toke
8. Tuck
9. Talk
10. Tyke

Note how each word has the initial phoneme /t/ and the final phoneme /k/, though they are not all spelled with the letter “K”.

As an additional, informal rule, I try to exclude words that have an /r/ sound after the vowel. /r/ complicates things and I’d rather not bother. Generally, you’ll only find “r” on my lists in word-initial position, like so:

1. Reed
2. Rid
3. Red
4. Raid
5. Rad
6. Rude
7. Rode
8. Rud
9. Rod
10. Ride
11. Roid
12. Rowed (more on this one later)

Note also that, as I am primarily interested in whether a particular combination of sounds produces any viable words, so I am not listing homonyms like “read” or “rood” or “rued” or “road.” Which homophone I choose is arbitrary.

Now here’s the thing: when I make these lists, I am basing it on my particular dialect of General American English, as I speak it here on the west coast of the United States. Putting aside things with /r/ (because, again, I don’t want to deal with it), I have thirteen possible vowel phonemes to set between whatever consonant phonemes I choose. These are my vowel sounds, as demonstrated by representative words in my preferred ordering:

1. Fleece
2. Kit
3. Dress
4. Face
5. Trap
6. Goose
7. Foot
8. Goat
9. Strut
10. Lot
11. Price
12. Choice
13. Mouth

In my dialect/accent/language variety, there are only these thirteen /r/-less vowels that can be pronounced in a closed monosyllable. But each of the previous lists, you’ll note, have only ten and twelve entries, respectively. That is because, to my knowledge, words like “tuke,” “toik,” “towk,” and “rood” (as to rhyme with “good”) do not exist. Thus these lists, though exhaustive, are incomplete.

The “r_d” list is, in fact, as complete a list as I’ve ever managed to make within the limits I’ve described. It was only when I remembered that “row” is sometimes a verb that rhymes with “cow” (not common in my part of the world, but technically a word at my disposal) that I was able to extend the list to twelve, and the fact that it relies on a particularly silly slang word (roid) makes it a little unsatisfying as lists go. I’ll count it, but I feel that better can be done, by others if not by me.

The search for a thirteen-word list goes on, due to my optimistic view that such a list must exist, despite the lack of any evidence I’ve seen except for the fact that it can exist. And then there is the matter of other dialects to consider. Many people, for whatever reason, still pronounce words like “cot” and “caught” with different vowel phonemes, so that they are not homophones as they are for me. These individuals, should they wish to partake in my little game, will have to make a list of at least fourteen words to be complete.

Incidentally, here’s a list for “k_t” words:

1. Kit
2. Kate
3. Cat
4. Coot
5. Coat
6. Cut
7. Cot
8. Kite

Only eight? Disappointing.

Certain patterns have emerged as I’ve made these silly little lists. Of all the various vowel phonemes, I’ve found that the vowels of ”foot,” “choice,” and “mouth” are the rarest, and most likely to be missing from a set. In particular, it’s frustratingly difficult to think of examples of lists that contain both the “foot” and “goose” vowels; “suit” and “soot” come to mind, among some others.

Incidentally, readers from far-off lands will note that, as a Yank, I’m an inveterate yod-dropper, and I pronounce words like “tube” as if they were spelled “toob.” If you pronounce it the other way, you can’t use it in your “t_b” lists, because you’d be sneaking another consonant sound in there. That’s cheating, and I won’t stand for it.

With these guidelines, you too can compile meaningless lists on scratch paper that will provoke puzzlement in onlookers and take far too long to explain with satisfaction. Go forth, and report back to me if you find that elusive complete list, in your dialect or mine. If you’d like to incorporate r-colored vowels, be my guest. There is no prize, but I’ll give you a thumbs up if you go to the trouble of making a spreadsheet or something.